Since it’s been light in the mornings, I haven’t been nearly as scared of strangers on My Trail, but every once in awhile someone comes by that really creeps me out. This morning we were running along when up ahead I spotted a suspicious character. He had this big-old hoodie on, with these big-old basketball shorts and in general looked like a big man except he had the tiiiiiiiiiiniest little calves coming out of his giant billowing basketball shorts. He looked like an old TV flipped upside-down and walking on its rabbit ear antennae. Clearly he was hiding something, so as we came around to pass him I started barking what I thought of him and all the ways I wanted to f&*% him up. Mom tried to get me to leave him alone, using the excited tea kettle voice, and then her angry voice, and then pulling on my leash, but I wouldn’t be deterred. “Why do you look like that you son of… CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Up ahead a cat sprinted across the trail and suddenly the upside-down TV man was forgotten. I took off at a sprint after the cat, dragging Mom behind me. She yelled at me to slow down in her angry voice, and yanked on the leash but she was no match for me when I was on a mission. I accelerated to more than 10mph with Mom flailing away behind me. I knew that if she tried to dig in and stop at that speed, she would probably go down on her face, and then the upside-down TV man would have to stop and help her, and then I would eat him. So she had to keep running.
Finally she got me to stop, and after a little more time to sit. I think she was embarrassed because the upside-down TV man was going to think that I was a murderer and she had no control over me. But I didn’t care what anyone thought, so when she let me run again I tore off at a full sprint again. This time, Mom hadn’t started running yet and made herself an anchor, and BOING! I snapped back on the end of my leash just as I started to get back up to speed. Finally Mom started trotting along again, and I did everything I could to pull her off the trail and into the bushes. Eventually the cat went away and we settled back into a rhythm, but on the way back home we passed the upside-down TV man again. I finished telling him what I thought of him before we were out of sight. That’s the last time that box of rocks will use MY trail again!
–Oscar the Enforcer