It’s starting to be darkish again in the mornings when Mom and I go out on patrol on My Trail. Sigh, at least it means that fewer bicycles are out during my shifts, but it also means that the time is coming when we’ll be running by headlamp again and I won’t be able to tell approaching authorized trail users from aliens out to study me as a specimen of the ideal earthling.
Anywhoo… this morning I bluffed Mom into doing all the hard work during our run. For the first part, I sat right next to her and didn’t pull her with the leash at all. At the far end of the trail, we ran around some neighborhoods, and I deliberately trailed behind Mom, letting the leash go its full length sometimes so she would think that I was tired. She kept checking on me and asking, “Are you coming?” Oh yes, I was laying the foundation for a brilliant attack, but not till the right moment. Once we were back on the trail and headed home, I made my move. I came from my spot right behind her and ran to the front. As I passed, I looked her in the eye as if to say, “catch me if you can!” and then floored it. It was just like the legendary 2001 Tour de France stage with The Bluff and The Look where Lance Armstrong faked out Jan Ullrich, then crushed him on the Alpe d’Huez (watch the stage here: https://youtu.be/wRuqQk723po).
Neither Mom nor I are on the right kind of drugs for ours to be much of a high-speed chase, so we plodded along at a medium-slow speed as I tried to break her. We were locked into a neck-in-neck battle when suddenly a rat came bursting out of a shrub and running down the trail toward us. That was just the burst of energy I needed, and I took off at a speed that Mom couldn’t answer. I tore off up the trail like a blur, while Mom flailed away behind me like one of those wind socks outside a car wash. I had almost caught the rat when it disappeared into another bush, and I had to stick my nose into the branches after it. While I was sniffing for it, Mom (that weasel!) passed me, and I didn’t notice until I felt the leash snap on my collar! I had to lay down a huge acceleration to catch back up to her. Racing sure is tough! When we got back to the house, I beat Mom through the front door, but she was right behind me, and I didn’t gain significant time. I ran through the door and didn’t stop running there. I leaped over the arm of the couch and stole a bit of eggs off of NotMom’s plate. I think it’s fair to say that I won today’s stage.
–Oscar the Stage Winner
(PS – In case there are other cycling fans reading this, we have not watched today’s stage yet. Please no spoilers in the comments. Thank you.)