Today I decided to take Mom for a run around the new loop I discovered last week, only backward so we could get the ugly part out of the way first. We were running along the frontage trail that goes along the frontage road that goes along the freeway, and I was wondering what I was going to tell my fans about this run, when I felt Mom tug at my collar, which usually means danger is nearby. Up ahead on the trail I saw what looked like two little babies on leash. “You’re scared of a couple of babies?” I asked Mom as I dragged her up to check the situation out. Then I saw, “They’re just a couple of silly chihuahuas. They must have just had a bath or something, because they weren’t even wearing the ‘I love you’ necklaces that dogs are supposed to wear to show they have a family. That’s dangerous! But Mom made me stop, even though the silly chihuahuas ran away in opposite directions. When one hid in a bush, and the other hid under the bridge, Mom tried to call to them, but she didn’t use the right word. Every dog knows that you can ignore humans until they say, “Oscar!” in the special voice. Mom used the voice, but not the magic word, so the chihuahuas didn’t come.
“What do you want THEM for when you’ve got me?” I asked. “They’re not even good running dogs!” But Mom ignored me and did an about-face and ran to a building about a quarter mile away. It smelled like cats and dogs, but there was no one there when we rang the doorbell, banged on the window, and barked at them. Finally Mom made a few phone calls and finally got to talk to someone. “This isn’t an emergency… Yes, I’ll hold…” Then we stood there awhile longer. This WAS an emergency! I was supposed to be running, and Mom wasn’t even paying attention to me. She was just worried about those boring old chihuahuas.
Finally Mom got to describe the 2 chihuahuas to someone (she didn’t say “boring” or “fraidycat” so I bet they’ll never recognize them), described where they were, and continued with our run. I gave the chihuahuas a dirty look when we passed them again. They looked suitably scared of me, so I let Mom keep running.
By this time, it had gotten a lot warmer and I was starting to melt. We ran with a man not 2 leash lengths ahead of us for miles, and I didn’t even try to chase him. We ran right by two badly behaved dogs on retractable leashes chasing a goose, and I just ran on by. We ran on my favorite side trail next to the water, and I let Mom run ahead. I ran just fast enough to keep tension off the leash, but no faster. Mom had to coax me the last quarter mile to the water fountain in the shade, then she let me in the car and turned the air conditioning on full blast. Only then did I perk up and tell Mom I was ready to keep running. But she said I’d had enough. Stupid chihuahuas…
–Oscar the civic-minded dog