Today Mom asked me to help her go Christmas shopping for the Man who Brings Me Cheese. We went to the big pet store, which I thought was a good place, but it’s more like a nightmare. There are so many things to sniff, rip up and eat, and so many other dogs to say hi to, and yet you can’t get close to any of them because every time you try to take a step and pull on the leash your feet slip out from under you. It’s torture!
Finally we got in line. I was a little on edge already. How could you not be when you were in a place like that and NOT able to tear open the food bags or rip up all the toys? So I stood close to Mom and waited.
Then I saw something really evil: it was disguised like a half-sized people puppy, but I knew better. It made eye contact with me and I hid behind Mom’s legs. “You’d better back off or Mom’s really going to f- you up!” I growled. That really seemed to tick the monster off, because it lifted its jacket over its head and spread its wings. Right before my eyes it turned into a Babadook!!!!
Luckily I’m the kind of guy that watches those manly survival shows, so I knew what to do.
- I locked eyes with it to let it know that I meant business as I slowly backed behind Mom’s legs.
- By hiding behind Mom, I had created a meat barrier between It and me. That way, I didn’t have to outrun the Babadook, I only had to outrun Mom (and I knew I could do that!).
- I puffed my hackles up as big as they would go. With a quarter-inch mohawk I look much, much tougher than my clean-cut self. Meanwhile…
- …I made a bunch of noise to scare it off. I barked and growled.
My bravery worked, and the Babadook deflated back down to people puppy size again, and gave me a “what the heck is wrong with you?” look as it walked out the door.
“AND STAY OUT!!!!!!!” I shouted after it. Oscar saves the day, yet again.
-Oscar the Tough Guy