Weatherdog

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This is a long one, but I have a lot to say…
TLDR version: TOO MUCH RAIN

FINALLY people are noticing that we’ve had too much rain this winter. Trees have been falling on people’s houses, roads have been closed, dams are overflowing, whole towns have been evacuated, and still I have had to listen to people blather about the drought when I complain about the rain. These are clearly dumb people who have not been paying attention to Oscar the Running Weatherman. But now that the eco-devastation has hit a city, NOW people notice. But I’ve been affected by the flooding since before flooding and complaining about the rain was cool.

Yesterday after another huge rain storm, me and my sister noticed that there was a hole in the wall of the dog bathroom. So we went through it. We were so busy exploring Narnia/Hogwarts/Wonderland or (whatever the land is called on the other side of our fence) that we had to ignore Mom a few times when she called us. When we came back, Mom was standing in the middle of the dog bathroom looking perturbed. “MOM! YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT’S OVER THERE!”

Five minutes later the neighbor lady was on our front doorstep telling Mom exactly what was over there: a people puppy! We shouted through the front window for the neighbor lady to go away, but Mom talked to her anyway. And now we have to go to the bathroom on leash, even in our own bathroom. Because of the rain.

Then Mom took us on this terrible run in the pouring rain. We ran north for a mile until we found fence where they close the trail when the river is flooded. So we turned around and went south for an extra half mile until we hit the fence where the trail has been closed for a month, even though it’s not even next to water. Then we just had to run around the block a bunch of times because I guess we live on an island now. Because of the rain.

Yesterday the rain had mostly stopped for a day or so, and so Mom tried to ride her bike home from work on My Trail. She took a video of how my secret side trail is now a raging river wider than the Mississippi or the Amazon. There were no signs to say the trail was closed, but when she got to the underpass it was BLOCKED. No detour. Just a sign on a fence that said, “Find your own way home. Go duck yourself.” While we waited desperately at home for her to come home and hold the leashes for us to pee, Mom was lost in the R2-D2 parking lot, and then riding miles and miles on a busy road to find her way home to us. Because of the rain.

So instead of a regular patrol this morning, we went out on an expedition to find out if Mom could get to work. We ran the mile north to where the fence was still closed. I think that the trail gods had given up, because it didn’t even have a sign on it on this side. We just had to know to go duck ourselves. So we turned back south to the other side of our island. Where we went and ducked ourselves, which means we ran the detour past the diesel gas station, around the car dealership, through the Best Buy parking lot, and past the Extended Stay parking lot, just like we have been for over a month. Because of the rain. The rain that nobody noticed until now.

I don’t understand how we could have been suffering in the rain every day, and shouting to the four winds how miserable we are and no one could have noticed. Mom explained to me that it’s hard to get a person’s attention, they usually only notice things that happen to them. That even though the rain has been falling on everybody’s houses, a lot of people try to never go outside. Especially in the rain.
“But how do they run, Mom?” I asked.
“They run inside on treadmills. Or they sit on the couch and don’t run at all.”
“But when do they have fun in the woods?”
“Most people never go into the woods,” she explained. “Or they wait and wait and wait until the sun comes out. Usually they don’t have to wait this long. I think that people have forgotten about the woods.”
I think people are dumb. They have all this freedom that dogs don’t have. They have keys that let them out of the house when they want, and they have keys that let them drive cars wherever they want to go, and they are allowed in all the hotels and all the parks and never have to wear leashes ever. If I were a person, I would be out having adventures all the time. Even in a rotten rain storm. Or better yet, I would move to the desert.

-Oscar the Running Weatherdog