Bitches are so complicated

Mom was gone for awhile and Bodie and I went to sleepover camp, and when Mom got home it was HOT! When it’s hot, my bones melt a bit and I have to lie around a lot. Bodie was acting half melted too, so I thought we would have an easy run. Nope!

Bodie didn’t seem to know that when your bones are melty, you shouldn’t run as fast. She pooped immediately, and with that out of the way I thought she would take it down a notch. Nope!

“What are you in such a hurry for?!” I whined (I only whine toughly… like a man-dog, not like a baby or anything).
“I’m excited! I love running! I wanna get to over there!”
“And then what?”
“And then the fun will start and everything will be perfect.”
“But Mom can’t go that fast. Whether you drag her behind you, or if you just relax you’ll get there at the same time. Why don’t you just chill out and enjoy all the moments of the run?”
“But what if the fun disappears before we get there?! Gotta hurry and have all the fun right away! What if a bunny goes by and we miss it?”
“What if we go too fast, and we’ve already passed when the bunny comes through? You don’t really think the fun is going to go away, do you? I have more fun when I’m not fighting Mom the whole time…”
“Yeah! Of course the fun might get away if you don’t worry enough about losing it. Otherwise the fun doesn’t know you appreciate it. I don’t think you understand this stuff, Oscar. Typical boy!”

By the time we turned around, Bodie’s bones had finally started to turn to jelly and she was running at a more Mom-like pace. The trouble was that Mom wanted to run at a more Bodie-like pace. “C’mon, you guys! Can’t you hold it together for one more mile? I really need to get to work…”
“Don’t you think the work will still be there after the extra 45 seconds it will take us to get there at a boneless pace?” I pointed out.
“You’re just going to spend that time walking back and forth to grab things you forgot in the other room,” Bodie added.
“But it’s a sense of urgency that makes me a good worker,” Mom whined (Mom does whine like a baby, not like a man-dog at all).
“Maybe if you weren’t in such a hurry all the time, you wouldn’t waste so much time going back for things you forgot and you’d have more compassion for your 2 melting dogs!” I wheezed. Bodie let her tongue hang extra low to emphasize my point.

Some chicks are in such a hurry to move on to the next thing that they forget to enjoy the thing they’re doing. These 2 ladies were out for a run with a dashingly handsome young man-dog, running in a place with unparalleled fart stink practically coming out of the ground beneath their feet, and bunnies bursting forth with joy every few minutes. And all they could think about was experiencing it as fast as they could so they could move on to the next thing. Bitches are so complicated…!

-Oscar the Man-dog who enjoys the simple pleasures19429628_1564549310230742_2333983656794838057_n

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