What a busy day! I didn’t expect Mom to wake me up early because she was out late on an adventure with my cat-sister. My cat-sister had lost a fight and came home with her eye swollen shut. When she walked in all bloody and tough-looking, I got up in her grill yelling, “VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER!” Mom, who is ALWAYS yelling at me didn’t say a word to my cat-sister, just dumped her in the carrier. Then she took her out and was gone until late. (I assume that they were thoroughly TP-ing the other cat’s house.) Instead of holding mini steaks to my cat-sister’s eye in the morning, Mom made ME get out of bed and go for a pre-dawn run. Mom must have been tired too, because she got lost twice on our way to a place we’ve been a million times. It wasn’t raining, but it was still unseasonably cold and Mom and I breathed steam like fire-breathing dragons. The Wetlands that Smell Like a Fart must have been full of fire-farted dragons as well, because for about half a mile we ran through fog so thick that Mom’s headlamp couldn’t penetrate it. Instead it shone back in our eyes blinding us. The sun didn’t even start to come up until we were almost back to the car, that’s how early it was!
I didn’t understand why Mom made us get up so early on a Saturday, especially after I had been up so late worrying that I had been abandoned. But after a quick breakfast Mom put me BACK in the car. We drove and drove for a very long time to a place I’d never been before. Suddenly, out of nowhere came another damned good-looking dog. It was the only dog in the world who is ALMOST as dashingly handsome, superlatively agile and irresistibly likable as me: MY SISTER!
My Mom and hers let us off leash, and for almost 4 miles, we chased each other over hill and dale, on the trail but mostly through the woods and down steep slopes. Because I can be a bit of an asshole sometimes, Mom was nervous about letting me off leash, especially in a place that had so many more exciting things than her for me to pay attention to. I decided to play a little trick on her. Because Mom’s always telling me she doesn’t like to let me off leash because my recall “kinda sucks,” I decided that I would come back to her every time she called. Every single time. I even kept all my attention focused on my sister and didn’t steamroll any of the little dogs I saw, or try to start something with the big dogs. Ha! Joke’s on her! Now no one’s going to believe that I’m “a bit of an asshole.” Mom sure looks stupid now!
Who’s a good boy? Oscar the Pooch is, suckas!