Something terrible has happened! I have disappeared!
Last year things started disappearing from my house, and then one day Notmom and my sister disappeared and didn’t come back. A couple of weeks ago things started disappearing from my house again. Then, in one terrifying day lots of unfamiliar men I didn’t know came into my house. Mom locked me and Bodie in a room, and when we came out the men had stolen all of my things! And I mean ALL of my things. Then we disappeared too.
The first one to disappear was Bodie. We took a long car ride, and then she got in the car with a lady and drove away. Then Mom and I came back, but we didn’t come back to my house. We came back to a littler house with unfamiliar noises and smells and routines. And it was so filled with boxes and bags that I couldn’t even walk around. Every time I wanted to go sniff something, I had to wait and stare intently at Mom until she moved all the stuff out of my way. This was obviously the hell that swallows people and Friends when they go away.
Mom says she likes the new place, but I think she’s lying because you should have heard all the hashtags and ampersands and spirals and dollar signs she muttered when she was building our shelves and stuff.
I don’t like the new place at all. The first day she disappeared and left me there alone. I thought that was it! I thought she’d gone forever like the rest of my family and I was going to be in this awful place alone. When she came back that night and continued to clear things off my floor, I had to follow her around and make sure my butt was touching her leg at all times so I wouldn’t lose her. It was very stressful to keep my family together through all of it!
The next morning we got up to go for a run. I was beside myself. What would everyone do on My Trail without me to impose order? We almost never drove to run at My House, so I was scared to see what my new patrol would look like. After a few minutes we got out of the car and walked down a path to a trail. Imagine my surprise when I looked around and realized that it was My Trail! We were just starting where we usually stop and turn around!
I chased a thing that went bump in the bushes, “Hey! You think that you can just run around on My Trail like that? The boss is back, you little rat!”
Then we passed the Upside Down TV Man. “I still hate your guts! You’d better watch yourself, you goon!” I warned him.
Mom says I’ll get used to the new house and soon I’ll like it just like the last one, but I think she’s wrong.
“Aren’t you excited that when you post pictures for your friends it won’t be on ugly linoleum or nasty stained rental carpet?” she said.
“I like ugly linoleum and nasty stained rental carpet. My favorite color is taupe,” I grumbled.
-Oscar in exile