Later, Mom explained to me that if anybody asked me what it was like to work in the City, that I should tell them, "It's like trying to hold it all together while balancing on one foot in high heels with a handful of dog doo."
"What's an obstaple?" I asked. "I don't know. Like crawling through mud and jumping over stuff and things. I didn't really read the website that closely. You'll love it. I brought treats." Now I was real excited to do obstaple racing and show off how good I am at getting dirty and looking cool in pictures. But I guess Mom didn't read the website closely at all because she found out that the humans had to do the obstaples too. "Oh, well I can't do that," Mom told the lady with the t-shirts. "I have a medical issue." "Mom, what's a medical issue?" I asked. "It means that I'm wearing socks," she said.
Then The Man threw something on the ground a few feet in front of us. I looked where it fell, and... "HOLY CRAP!" I said. "There's a spaghetti monster sitting right next to where you were tapping your boot a second ago! Hang on, let me go check it out." The spaghetti monster was about as big around as a rope leash, and had a shakey thing on one end that made noise, and mean eyes on the other end. I knew from experience that this was called a "rattlesnake" from when Mom and I saw a bigger one
Who ever heard of a duel where the hero gets grounded by his Mom?! "No! Mom! I can't see him!" I barked, wriggling around to try to get free and wrenching my neck around to see if he was satisfactorily scared by my spastically assertive barking. If he pooped his pants in fear, I missed it. "I'm coming back for you!" I shouted over my shoulder as I struggled to get free. "I challenge you to a duel! Just as soon as Mom lets me..."
As we were getting close to the ledge, Mom’s foot slipped. It probably only slipped a millimeter, but that was enough to turn her into a screaming fool. The trouble was that the path was steep enough that when she turned around to flee, she found her nose right in my manly chest hair. Since there was a handsome dog blocking her escape, she screamed even uglier. The problem was that she had tied that handsome, trail-blocking dog around her waist, so he couldn't get out of her way, no matter how ugly her screams.
In addition to the dozens of portraits of me Mom has been taking every day, she has also been taking video so that she can relive the experience in even more detail when we get home. Usually I love taking video because it means that Mom gets me very excited, and then we run back and forth while she laughs and tells me that I’m ruining it. But this time she was taking too long, and was too focused on The Witch, so it was an opportunity for a teachable moment. While she was picking moss off a log, I ran into the woods to chase An Exciting Thing. Because she didn’t yell at me right away, I kept running and running until I was very absorbed in The Exciting Thing and Mom seemed like a distant memory.
Mom and I are the kind of family that’s a little suspicious of other people. But we live in a place where there are lots and lots of people everywhere we go, even the hard-to-reach places like the trails. Even in the woods there are rules so that people who want to be left alone... Continue Reading →
But with less than 2 miles to go back to the car-house, the wet made a surprise comeback. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Mom’s bladder started leaking all over her shorts and down her leg.