Before NotMom forgot to put our beds back on the floor after working out, before Mom left for work and came home 12 hours later all grumpy in Hulk mode, I took Mom on a run on My Trail. Mom kept trying to film me while running, which just turns into a jumpy mess that makes people carsick when they watch it. But Mom says it’s the only way she can get me smiling on camera. Doesn’t she understand that smiling doesn’t fit my public image? I’m a tough dog living the thug life, and hard dogs don’t smile. Duh!
About a mile down the trail she pulled me into some bushes to rack up some push-ups. But I knew something that she didn’t. There were some Unauthorized Trail Users coming our way on stolen and Google bikes (we live only a few miles from the Google campus, and there are always a few abandoned shared campus bikes on the trail). So while Mom tried to make me do push-ups, I just sat there and looked scared. I could hear the beat they were playing on their boom box, and it sounded like what ghosts would listen to. They must have been ghosts, because no one has traveled with a boom box since my great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents roamed the earth. Then as they rode by, Mom tried to act like making your dog do push-ups in the bushes is the most natural thing to do. Once the danger had passed, we ran on.
Finally we were settled into a groove, and Mom pulled me off the trail one more time into a little garden area. She set up her phone against a rock that had a plaque on it. The plaque said that the rock was a gift from another tech company based in town. The rock also said, “Use a condom,” although that wasn’t engraved in a plaque. I wondered what was more useful to my constituants on My Trail: bikes that people could use to get around but that unauthorized users could use to ride around and play scary ghost music? Or giant rocks that unauthorized users could use to share public service messages?
–Oscar the Pooch #22pushups #22kill
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