End of season

I looked at Mom's weird boxy body that's flat in all the places where humans are sometimes curvy, and then I looked at my sleek, athletic frame that was black, but not blobby at all. "Well I don't have any boobies, and neither do you," I said. "And if one of us is going to chase contaminated critters, it should be the one of us that is up to date on his flea meds, don't you think?"

Opportunity cost

The trail turned out to be an easy 7-mile flat route that followed a happy river through the pine trees to a waterfall. “Isn’t this great, Mom?” I said. “No dirt roads to get here, no mountains to climb, no big trees blown over the trail, no dog-boiling weather... Just a nice, easy run through the pine trees.”

A butt’s purpose

When you watch me run, it feels like there should be exciting trumpets playing in the background. Lately when Mom runs like a tuba sounds. But not today. 


“Now that I’ve got 1,000 ticks on me, it’s not like another 1,000 is going to make a difference. Let’s keep exploring.”

Time travel and the Taj Mahal of parking lots

But when we got to the camp ground they were all full. Mom came back to the van fuming. “They wouldn’t even let me pay to take shower. They treated me like a homeless person. Who the heck do they think they are? They’re just a parking lot with a water feature out front, they’re not the damned Ritz.”


Finally a nice man came to help us. I barked at him, but he wasn’t scared so I knew he was a friend and I let him fix our car-house.

Turkey-squirrels, sea boogers and work

Then Mom explained to me how oysters are shellfish that rich people love, even though they aren’t pretty at all and look like crumpled up wads of grey paper. The rich people like to eat the oysters right out of their wadded up shells, even though Mom says that they look like snot and probably taste that way too.  Oysters are also special because they make their own booger-rocks that old ladies like to stick to their heads and call it fancy.

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